Possibly the Best Quote Ever

Judaism, Christianity and Islam are all male chauvinist murder cults. Their so-called "holy books" provide the "divine" sanction for every atrocity committed by their adherents. Despite all their pious rhetoric, they have brought nothing but "evil" into the world.

- Some Dude Named Kamenwati

Thank You

I would like to thank everyone that yelled at me, screamed at me, beat me over the head with their shoes, encouraged me, and helped me through my difficulties. I'm not 100% okay, but I'm on my way there. It's definitely not rainbows and puppies, but somehow I think everything is going to be okay, no matter what.

Just got through the first week of classes and I'll be back to blogging normally as from tomorrow I guess. And big hugs to everyone that emailed me. I think I learned a valuable lesson from this romantic misadventure, and hopefully the next time I meet a guy I will not be here shamefully weeping about his misdeeds on the Internet. Hopefully.

Gonna go to bed. All my classes start at 8am this term.

The Killing of the King of Pain

Listen well my friend...
...Or at least I think you are....

I don't know why I called him. No I know why. Fuck that, I'm lying. I know exactly why I called him. Because I'm forgetting the sound of his voice. Because I'm forgetting the minute details of his face. Because I'm forgetting the feeling of his skin, because I miss him.

I'm a bloody idiot. I miss him. I'm a fool.

Because the first time, the very first time, he kissed me and said it was okay. Because he didn't laugh because I was afraid. Because he made it okay.

And I like the fucked up fool I am, I called him. What the fuck was I going to say?

I'll tell you what I said, I said congratulations. I said con-fucking-gratulations, I did. I fucking said it.

And he laughed in my ear, and my knees went weak because I miss his laughter so. I miss every single bit of him not just his huge penis. Because that's what he thinks. Or maybe that's what he hears. Maybe every time I say to him 'I love you', he hears 'I love your penis'. Because that's what he thinks.

He thinks I'm a whore.
He thinks that I'm fucking everyone.
I told him a thousand times that I was waiting for him, but he laughs and doesn't believe me.

Just because I'm a certain way with you doesn't mean I'm that way with other people. Just because I like to fuck you wherever. Just because I ask you to bite me and spank me, just because .... it doesn't mean I would ever ask anyone else.

And just because you can't see that you mean the world to me, doesn't mean that you don't.

But dear God, I'm such a fucking idiot. Like seriously, I make myself sick. All I had to do to keep my peace was to not pick up the phone. But I let my bullshit emotions swamp me and I called him. Bakura, my beautiful, flawed Bakura thinks I'm a whore. And maybe he has good reason to think so. Maybe if I had giggled shyly behind my hand and screamed and cried the first time, maybe if I had protested a little more every time maybe he would think better of me.

But I didn't and I don't, and so I must like it a little too much. Fuck that. Does Aisha scream when you fuck her or does she lie there like a log of wood, squeezing her eyes shut so the tears don't escape?

He's getting married. And I who need to fucking deal, can't. I can't deal with this. I can't. Oh God, do something. He's getting married and now he doesn't want to speak to me anymore. Did fucking Aisha put him up to this? Did she? Because maybe I should string her up and bite her til she bleeds. Maybe.

And he asked today: Have you been with anyone else since me? And I said no. The truth.

Then he asked: Have you been with any girls since you were with me? And I said one. Once. Also the truth.

And he called me a liar. Listen, Bakura, just because you whore every girl that comes your way doesn't mean that I do the same.

I'm tired of loving him. Fuck it, I'm just plain tired. I've lost. He was the last thing I had that was mine and now he's gone. Gone to a stupid, undeserving, Hausa girl.

Oh God! Why the fuck is murder wrong?

Forget murder, I just want to forget. And if tonight, I cut deep enough, I'll forget everything. I'm not scared, I'm just tired. If I cut, and I know where to, I'll forget. I'll forget his smile, I'll forget his voice, I'll forget the smell of his skin, I'll forget every time we made love and every time he was cruel. If I cut just right I won't have to deal with my pain. It makes me a coward I know, but he's a coward too.

Today he said things to me I'd only ever heard him say to other people. Today he yelled at me to shut up and I did. He yelled and I was quiet. Usually I can answer back but today was different I was just so sad. Isn't it sweet that a few months ago he said he loved me? Isn't it sweet that a few months ago I said I loved him too?

Isn't it fucking quaint? If he loves me, and I love him too, then how come he's getting married to someone else?

If I take all the pills in the bottle this time, I won't have to deal with him, his bride, or his bullshit wedding. I won't have to deal with the fact that today I said things to him I never imagined I would. I said it because I was hurt. And I gave myself to him because he was supposed to be the one. The ONLY one. But he fucked it all up and I helped him. I helped him be cruel, I helped him be evil. I helped him because I wouldn't let him see weakness, I wouldn't let him see me cry.

I'm so, so tired. I want this to end. I'm tired. Crying makes it hurt more, but not crying makes me want to cry. Am I supposed to hate him now? Because I'm trying fucking hard, but it's not working. I think my Autopilot just fucking broke.

I would like one thing: To cut out my heart and lock it in a box and bury it somewhere. Bury it so no one, man or woman can ever touch it again. I'd very much like that. Fuck it, where's my knife?

Tonight maybe I'll cut a little. Tomorrow maybe I'll cut a little more. Next tomorrow, I don't fucking know. I called Mellowyel, but she had to catch a train. Then I cried into the phone like a bitchass. But I am a bitchass.... sometimes. Only when the clouds close in on me and everything goes dark. Maybe I'll drink a little tonight to numb the pain, and then I'll cut. Probably I won't cut too much. Hopefully I will.

My head hurts, my eyes are red and swollen and they hurt too. My heart stopped hurting a long time ago. I'm surprised it still fucking beats. Shit, my heart probably has its own damn Autopilot and here I am complaining about how mine broke.

I don't want to be here. I don't want to do this. He was my first. First everything. He was everything, my last link to the life I had before. He was the gatekeeper to my happy place. He had the last key. He made me believe in magic, and now he's taken it away.

I feel like I just came down from my high and it fucking hurts.

One pill makes you larger

One pill makes you small.

Bakura is the King, Namu is his best man. The rest of them are zombies.

The King and his Men
Stole the Queen from her bed
And bound her in her bones
They cut out her heart
And they cut out his own
And left her all alone

Let me tell you a secret about pain. If you can make a bigger hurt the original pain goes away.
Tonight, I want to sleep without seeing him. Because he haunts my dreams. Bakura was my last bottle of Never, and I just ran out. I wish he had died. I could have totally dealt with that. This, I'm about to lose my shit over.


Aren't you, my little beast-whore, cute?

I was reading something mildly pornographic...

...when I came across this gem of a comment under the main article:

I Just Saw District 9

First of All: Go read Mellowyel's amazing post about District 9 on Stuff Nigerians Hate (her post has all the details. My post here is only for if you already know the back story)


And I was right.

80% of all South Africans are African.

Only 9% of all South Africans are Boer.

95% of all the people in District 9 were Boer.

Everyone disgusting, despicable, primitive, evil, and crude was dark skinned. Including the Aliens.

If you squinted your eyes just a little bit you might not even notice the movie was set in Africa.

Once again, Nigerians were portrayed to be the crudest and most disgustingly sub human of people.

I am not in the least bit surprised.

All I want to know is this: Why the fuck does Hollywood and every white filmmaker and his mama feel the need to put Nigerians in their TV show, film, advert etc, and then proceed to portray the grossest, most inaccurate, most imaginative misrepresentations of Nigerians conceivable?

Why? Did anybody BEG you? Did any Nigerian come up to you and plead with you to feature Nigeria in your film? If you can't be truthful about Nigerians and Nigeria, then for the love of God, leave us the fuck alone. We don't need to be in western movies. We don't.

The Philanthropist, X-Men, now District 9. All in the space of 6 months. What the fuck is going on? You'd think Nigerians were holding a gun to Hollywood's head and forcing them.

And Peter Jackson. I can't believe you partook in this shit. And there I was singing your praises after The Lord of the Rings.

As for you Neil Blomkamp or Neil Blom-Blom or whatever the fuck you call yourself.

Up yours.

All of you that bet against me totally owe me something.

UPDATE: I just opened Hulu to watch something and I noticed there's a brand new episode of Monk. Guess what? In this episode Monk is has an investigation that involves a Nigerian.

Here: http://www.hulu.com/watch/89912/monk-mr-monk-and-the-foreign-man

What the fuck is going on? Was there an internal memo that got passed around America/white filmmakers instructing all of them to include Nigerians in the most unsavoury ways in all this year's productions???????

Correction: The Monk episode actually had a fairly good portrayal of Nigerians. He was helping the Nigerian with the investigation not investigating him. My mistake.

So Apparently.....

The Missionaries and the Colonists used Igbo women from the late 1800s to the middle part of the 20th century as a source of soft porn.

I kid you not, cultural research is the fucking shiznit:



and...


In case you are not Igbo, oto (pronounced O as in Or) means naked. I gba oto is to go naked or to be naked.

But seriously yo, what was up with the Europeans of a hundred years ago????

District 9, and Africa without Africans

District 9 is a new movie by Peter Jackson that will be released this month. It's pretty much the first alien movie set in Africa. It's supposed to be about some aliens that land in South Africa in an area called District 9 or something like that.

Either way, that's not the point. The point is this:

I am willing to bet that although this movie is set in South Africa, and although everything in this movie is supposed to be about South Africa, ALL the main characters in this movie will be White South Africans. And some of the supporting characters will be Africans. I am also willing to bet that majority of the actors that play roles like driver, carrier, assistant, cleaner, poor bystander, and majority of the actors that play bystanders that get killed will be African. But I promise you, all the lead characters will be White South Africans.

Because everyone knows that although Africans make up 80% of South Africa's population and whites make up only 9% - meaning that there are 8 Africans for every Boer in South Africa, only the Boers are important enough to play any key roles when the first alien mothership lands in Africa.

Why do I even bother with this shit? It's not like I expected any different.

Anyway, you go watch the movie, and I'll watch the movie, and let's see if I'm right.

I really, really, hope I'm wrong. But I'll probably be right. The main character (the one fondly known as 'THE ACTOR' in Nigerian circles) will almost certainly be white. And I'm also sure that almost if not all the key players in this movie will be white.

Once again, it looks like Africa is only good when there are no Africans in sight.

You Are Stupid When....

You tell me that I am "brave" for having natural hair.

You say Solange took such a risk by cutting her hair.

You say Solange is such a rebel for having natural hair.

You tell me that I am "afrocentric" or "ethnocentric" for having natural hair.


What the fuck is brave about just walking about going about your business and ignoring your goddamn hair and letting it do what God meant it to fucking do anyway: GROW?

You are stupid when you can't figure out that if the hair that grows out of your head is coily anyway, then there is nothing brave, outlandish, weird, daring, or innovative about wearing it.

Stab Stupidity where it hurts

Stop daft Nigerians

Blogville KokoMansion: Episode 2

Next Episode's narration will be better. Promise :D
Will also try to keep each episode under 5 minutes
Prepare to vote!!!

I'm Sorry!!!

I'm at a business conference so I haven't been able to blog. Will put up a post later today. Promise. Conference just ended, about to head back to Manhattan.

Walking Liquid Orgasm

Those lips.... Oh. My. God.

A Black American Someborri....

..... told me that 90% of Africa's population live in abject poverty on less than $1 a day, and further proceeded to condescend to me and assert that Black Americans were far more respected than and better than Africans.

o_O

Okay.

Let's see.... There are 1 billion people in Africa. If 90% of Africans have less than $1 a day, then that means that only 100 million Africans have more than $1 a day. (Maybe those ones have $2).

If 100 million Africans have more than $1 a day, and there are 53 countries in Africa, that means that only one point something million people in each country have more than $1 a day, (and judging by her sneers I'm sure she put the cap of the wealth at maybe $5 a day for the rest) BUT at least 63 million Nigerians have a mobile phone (which tend to cost at the very cheapest maybe $10), excluding all the Nigerians that have two or more mobile phones (but including the beggars that have mobile phones on multiple lines and the bus conductors that buy $4 recharge cards for their girlfriends) multiplied by the number of Nigerians and other Africans that have regular jobs and live in regular houses paying regular rent to regular landlords plus their regular children who they send to regular schools via their regular cars which they bought with their regular salaries...... (at least 4 million for Nigeria and at least 2 million for the rest)..............

Screw the math, any way you turn it, if you've lived in Nigeria..... Methinks this chick is fucking crazy.

People that don't know anything about Africa need to just stop.

As in seriously, just hit pause and stop making foolish pronouncements about the quality of life in Africa from your American armchair.

This is part of the reason why Africans versus African Americans isn't ending any time soon.

Olodo Rabata

Bringing Groundstreet Back

So I used to do a radio show at Rhythm FM in Abuja. Saturday mornings I'd head on over to the Rhythm station behind Musa Yar'Adua Centre, get in the makeshift studio (The Galleria was still being built so they tricked out a couple of containers with equipment and put up a couple of masts outside and voila! Instant Radio Station) and get on the air. God, I miss those days. I did a teen show but at least it was an outlet for all the changes I was going through after graduating Loyola. I also guest hosted on Girl Talk once with Nike and Dooshima at Cool FM. Good times!! :D My show was called 90 Degrees, and it was so much fun. Dayo Oyetade, my producer, was the coolest guy and we had so much fun in the studio. Then I had to quit because I was coming to school here.

I still missed radio so when I got here I started an online radio show called Groundstreet Radio. It was about being Nigerian in America (kinda like my blog, just not as extreme) and Nigerian music. I even had a blog for the show (groundstreet.blogspot.com), a website (www.groundstreet.com), and it was just starting to get popular - just - when I quit.

I stopped because as always I had serious drama going on, and at the time (my freshman year) I didn't have a regular phone and you needed a phone to do the show (BlogTalkRadio hadn't plugged in their sweet upgrades back then) so it was pretty much doomed.

Dayo

Sam, who sometimes did the show with me

My mic. You didn't touch it until your segment was up.
I let Zino use it though
(He had to read the news at noon half way through my show)
I miss them all

With Cleo from the Rhythm Port Harcourt

Thing is, Bakura's getting married, I finally have a phone, and Nigeria's quite an interesting place these days, so I find myself hankering to get behind the mic again. Only this time I don't want it to be just me talking AT you. I'm only going to do this is it can be fun and if you'll join in. Assuming I start again it will be more about our issues - Nigerian youth issues- and not just ISSUES issues, but everything in between: life, love, blogs, tribe, global identity, technology, politics, whatever.

Should I relaunch Groundstreet Radio?


The Old Groundstreet Radio (It's a cheesy pic - I know - I was eighteen)

Proof There Are Insecure Cave Men in Nigeria

Screencap taken from Bellanaija.com from one of the discussions on Koko Mansion.

The Igbo 2.0. blog launches!!

Hey everyone, I know we've all been having fun with Blogville Koko Mansion, but I've also been working on the Ndebe Project.

I just wanted to let everyone know that the official blog for The Ndebe Project is up, so please check it out, and please refer anyone you know that would like to learn Igbo (for free!! :D) or that is interested in helping out!

Most of all please let me know what you think of the blog and the posts there so far.

Thanks to everyone that has supported and is still supporting The Ndebe Project. I hope everyone's having a nice weekend!

Please click the image below to visit The Ndebe Project.

Igbo Kwenu!!