Friday, October 30, 2009

Chinese People Don Come Again

So I came across a post on China Smack (which is really a very fascinating website btw) about a young rural Chinese girl and her family who work in a brick making factory.

I read the article and saw pictures of a young, beautiful, and hardworking girl pulling wagons of bricks all day long while simultaneously looking after her three younger siblings in order to help her family.

Like so,











Unfortunately,

I saw the comments.

Despite the very obvious Chinese-ness of this girl and her surroundings, lo and behold, this beauty caught my eye:



Wow.

Really? No seriously. Really????

So, anybody who is poor or suffering, no matter their ethnicity, no matter what they look like, no matter where they are, no matter where they are from, no matter what the situation is must be in/from Africa.....

Other charming anecdotes from the amazing Chinese netizens:

The following ones were in response to a Chinese girl that posted a picture of herself and her Black boyfriend on her MySpace page:





Wow.

Blank Stare.

O_O

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

HIgh School Confessions

I have always been what Nigerians in general consider "a bad child".

............

......................

...............................

In Loyola I got into loads of trouble for writing lots of lemon.

In my defense, I didn't mean to distribute it. People just became so interested that I developed a shadowy and highly questionable fan base after someone stole my first three smutfics and passed them out in the senior block. Of course after that, I always wondered why my notebooks kept on mysteriously disappearing.


Putos Putas Memories. ;)

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Dbanj has a new video



I know on the many previous occasions that I have pointed out the very disturbing fact that more and more Nigerian artists continue to use White women in their videos even though the population of White people in Nigeria is so insignificant it doesn't even command a full percent (never mind the fact that most of them are in Nigeria for work-related reasons), I have been called a "hater".

Well... let me not say I told you so. This is the what? Sixth? Seventh? Eighth? video in a row from Nigeria that has featured at least one White/Non-Nigerian woman.

Remember these?











Evidently, Dbanj, Dare, and co think that White women are a major upgrade from Nigerian women.

Hey, even these sef: (Yes I know the dude is from Cameroon, but as I recall Cameroon is our direct neighbour and Nigeria being the more powerful and hegemonous country, some of our music video steez must be rubbing off on our East African friends)








Of course, how could we forget the beloved Gbono Feli Feli?



Hey, don't shoot the messenger, I'm just telling you what these videos are screaming into our ears. I'm not a big fan of music, Nigerian or otherwise, so it's all of you that buy Dbanj's CDs, go to Dare's concerts, and spend your hard earned money only for these two characters to spit in your face with their next video that should be bothered.

I said it a long time ago, and what did people tell me?

Oh yeah, somebody said I must have chased Dare and he didn't want.

Given the Nigerian love for all things foreign.

Given the way Nigerians worship the very ground White people walk on.

Given the way Nigerian school teachers refuse to lay a hand on their White or half-caste students but do not hesitate to daze their Nigerian pupils.

Given the way any White person in Nigeria (even if they were a beggar or a bus driver back home) automatically becomes "Sah!" or "Madam!".

Given the way Nigerian service providers/officials will happily mistreat a Nigerian but extend the most delicate of courtesies to anybody lighter than a pawpaw.

Given the way when even the ugliest White girl on the face of the Earth walks into a party in Nigeria she automatically becomes the hottest, finest, and most sought after babe there (in spite of all the smoking hot Nigerian girls in the room).

Given the way Nigerian companies deliberately select their names in order to give the false impression that they might be White-owned so that they will be taken more seriously.

Given the fact that this shit actually exists in Nigeria and is actually flying off the shelves like hotcakes in spite of heavy NAFDAC persecution:



Even though the success of these artists was built on the backs and money of Nigerian women (and men) like you and me. Now that they feel they're at the top they are happily discarding Nigerian women whom they deem inferior for White women who they obviously view as a better model.

Am I surprised?

Fuck no.

*And please, if you're going to say "Oh, but Dare is married to a Nigerian woman", just save your breath. That statement is pretty much equivalent to the "But I have a Black best friend so I can't possibly be racist" argument. The two situations are not mutually exclusive.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

High Heels came long before the Europeans



These centuries old Ibeji figures prove it.

Note the similarity to the Japanese Geta traditionally worn by Oiran

Of course, these two high shoes developed completely independently on two different continents.


But even more importantly, these Ibeji figures prove that: besides women,

Yoruba men (and probably Bini, Igbo and other surrounding nations that did regular business with the Yoruba) once wore high heels!!

So, the next time you're expressing your enthusiastic love for your culture, and some ignorant fellow Nigerian opens their mouth and tells you that if you love Nigerian culture so much you should stop wearing your beloved stilettos,
tell them to fucking shove it. :)

Kai, ancient Nigerian culture makes me feel all warm and bubbly inside.

*sigh*

On the Yoruba Origins of the Nigerian White Wedding

Monday, October 12, 2009

I dreamt about Bakura

...again.

In my dream we ended up having sex....again.

I've been dreaming about (and having sex with him) every night for the past two weeks.

I'm usually not someone that pays attention to dreams, however scary they may be, but I don't like this at all.

Everything feels so real!!!!! Sometimes I wake up in my dream and then I meet him and we go out and talk and everything and go back to his place and have sex so it feels like it's really happening.

It's really really creeping me out. Does anybody know why dreams like this happen?

Friday, October 9, 2009

Leggy said something...

...That confused the hell out of me:

Perhaps I'm misunderstanding something here, but the last time I checked, between having natural hair and having relaxed hair, it was only relaxed hair that actually involved doing something.

Also, I find it rather strange when people (especially and most particularly Nigerians) claim they look horrible with their natural hair (low-cut or otherwise).

I have said before, and I will say again, that most Nigerians have no idea what their natural hair looks like. Sure, you can argue that a lot of us went through the Secondary-School-Low-Cut system, and so how can I be saying this, but at the same time, I don't think I would be wrong to say that at the very least 96% of Nigerians in Nigeria (and possibly at least 85% of Nigerians outside Nigeria but in regular contact with Nigeria as an entity) treat natural hair as though it were Caucasian hair.

What do I mean by this?

I think it would be correct to say that:

Most Nigerians think natural hair is "strong" and therefore tend to use extra force when combing it.

Most Nigerians comb natural hair when it is dry.

Most Nigerians comb natural hair every day (or at the very least, every other day).

Most Nigerians think that not combing hair is an infallible sign of dirtiness/bad hygiene.

Most Nigerians put mineral oil on natural hair (those jars of Apple hair cream anyone??? Or even the blue Bergamot hair oil has mineral oils in it)

Most Nigerians apply excessive heat to natural hair (Blowing out anyone? Who hasn't seen the columns of smoke rising from the hand dryer at Follicles when the girl is stretching out your hair)

Most Nigerians wash natural hair often.

All these things are things that you should NEVER EVER do to natural hair, yet most Nigerians upon encountering Natural hair, rush to do them IMMEDIATELY and WITHOUT REMORSE.

The result is that with the exception of our Fulani friends, Most Nigerians have never seen their natural curl pattern. Most Nigerians have never felt their natural curl pattern because they are too busy trying their best to tame, compel, and subdue the animal that they imagine natural hair to be.

Now, these are all generalizations (hence the word "Most") but at the same time, as a Nigerian I think these are pretty damn close/good generalizations. Why? Because all of them are true to a very great extent.

Now to my point. Leggy is expressing a fear of going natural because she doesn't want to "comb her hair and moisturize it" or "touch hair oil". Now I am going to make a gross assumption here, and Leggy and anyone else is free to correct me if I am wrong, but I am going to assume that the hair oil Leggy is referring to here is the kind of hair oil that 'Most Nigerians' are familiar with (in other words, it is packed full of mineral oils).

Assumption aside, Leggy's fear of natural hair is worrying (and perplexes me) because it is based on false information.

Problem: Leggy is assuming:

a - that she will have to comb her hair if she goes natural
b - that combing her hair while natural is going to be unpleasant

Here's the thing. Part of the point of being natural is NOT combing your hair so that you can see what your REAL hair texture and curl pattern are. Sure, you will have to detangle your hair once in a while, and sure there are certain hairstyles that might require you to comb your hair first, but for the most part, if your hair is natural, you DO NOT HAVE TO COMB YOUR HAIR.

Back to the assumption. I am assuming that Leggy intends to put loads of mineral oil in her hair in the name of moisturizing. I could be fucking wrong but that is why I'm letting you know that I'm assuming.

Mineral oil is the kiss of death for natural hair. It's horrible, it sits on your hair, it makes your hair all kinds of greasy and doesn't do shit to help it. If there is one thing Nigerians adore, it is piling shitloads of mineral oil in their hair. How is this relevant? Well if Leggy does decide to stop relaxing her hair and she then proceeds to use mineral oil (with inevitably bad results) this might lead her to believe that natural hair is unmanageable, or doesn't grow.

I think that a lot of the people that claim that natural hair 'isn't for them' are not making an informed decision. An informed decision is one where you know all the possible outcomes of all the choices you have.

If you have never tried to nurture your natural hair (and done it the proper way) then you cannot make an informed decision about being natural. You just cannot because you simply do not have the information.

Which is why I get annoyed when some of my friends say things like "you're so brave to have natural hair", or "I could never do what you're doing" or "Natural hair won't fit me" or "I don't think I was meant to have natural hair (this one is especially retarded)". First of all, most of the people saying this have no idea how to take care of natural hair. Their only impulse when it comes to natural hair is to subdue it by all means possible, which frankly, will get you nowhere fast.

Being natural is the default Nigerian condition. There is no other ready-made option. Relaxer is the one that requires effort. In order to have relaxed hair you have to be active about it. That is not to say that one is necessarily passive about their natural hair, but the level of activity required to nurture and maintain natural hair is no greater than the level of activity required to nurture and maintain the rest of the body normally.

Relaxed hair on the other hand is extremely unmanageable, involves pain and bodily harm, requires constant maintenance, gives very little to no love back for all your hard work, forces you to modify your lifestyle significantly for its sake, and basically acts like a spoilt toddler with a tantrum.

Caucasian hair is the strongest of all hair types. It can endure atomic bombs and still come out throwing punches and giving you the finger. African hair is the most fragile of all hair types. Any amount of stress can cause it to break or just plain give up. Yet because of its appearance African hair is unfairly labelled tough, hard, strong, stubborn, etc, and treated accordingly.

I don't even want to go into all the social and mental baggage and drama surrounding Nigerian attitudes to natural hair. I'll leave that for another day, or maybe I won't talk about it at all because I'll just lose my temper. This post is just about the technicalities of natural hair.

I didn't write this post to call out Leggy. I wrote this post because I think that as far as natural hair goes, Leggy isn't making an informed decision/statement about it, and quite possibly, neither is JuiceeGal (who announced that she was reverting to natural and from whose blog the Leggy comment comes) who also expressed undue worry about her natural hair.

Ultimately, everyone does whatever they want to do, but I think it is important to know all the facts first before deciding that something is not for you. I am just concerned that most of the Nigerians that share Leggy's sentiments about natural hair don't know enough about their natural hair to even legitimately have that sentiment in the first place. I don't claim to know all there is about natural hair, but I do recognize that I definitely know far more about my hair than I ever did when I was fifteen or all through boarding school (when I had to have short hair anyway).

In boarding school I did my hair no favours. I combed it dry without fail every day and then I slathered on "hair cream" which was mostly made from mineral oil. During the breaks I would go to hairdressers that would complain bitterly about my hair and then use blast-energy blow dryers to stretch it into submission. They would then rub even more mineral oil into my poor hair. Let me say though, that the Nigerian educational system is also to blame, as well as Nigerian teachers and school administrators. Even if I had known better in boarding school I still would have been forced to damage my hair. In most boarding schools, those who do not comb their hair are instantly labelled dirty, unkempt, and generally get into trouble and/or are punished sooner or later. Students are encouraged to comb their hair with smaller and smaller combs as this "effectively" gets rid of the kinks which are considered rough-looking.

I could do ten whole posts about the self-defeating effects of Nigerian mentality on natural hair but not today.

I just think it's important to arm yourself with all the relevant information about your natural hair and your possible texture and curl pattern before writing it off.

Below is a picture of my hair uncombed (I've posted it on this blog before) as well as very useful resources for all things natural.




www.nappturality.com

http://blackgirllonghair.blogspot.com

http://www.thecoilreview.com/

http://thenaturalhaven.blogspot.com


And for inspiration that hits very close to home:


A Nigerian with the most absolutely luscious, long, beautiful natural hair.

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

So Nice Anon Asked Me..

... to put up photos from when I was fifteen

Hmm... let's see...

I don't have a lot of photos from my teenage years because I spent all those years in boarding school, but here are some of the few that do exist.



Yes I know. Boarding school in Nigeria is a necessary evil.

My first night clubbing... ever... The Dome with my cousin and her friend


Yay afro!! Didn't last long though :(





I took this series of shots with my very first webcam!!!
Ignore the crack in the wall behind me
I shouldn't have been climbing up the walls anyway

Nigerian and Proud; Say it Loud

With a friend on the way to Disney World

Okay, I'm cheating because here I'm seventeen.
Plus this isn't the most flattering photo of me
But I love my Kedu? t-shirt!!!!

In messy rooms we trust!!! =]

My first official nighttime date ever...
My Mom was giving me advice to calm my nerves
My aunt took the picture
It's a bit grainy but hey, technology wasn't that great back then



My Mom took these shots of me in the bathroom at home
After days of pleading
She finally let me buy this corset

This was shot for the school magazine (The Roar)
I was a senior editor ^_^




Just So You Know


How about it? ;)

In case you were about to ask: Yes, that is me. No, it is not photoshopped. I was 15.

Monday, October 5, 2009

More Research

And the reason why you must always take what 18th century white men say with a huge sack of salt



Nobly arched head... oooooooooookay.

Ancient Yoruba Boots!!!

I'm sorry if you think I'm crazy, but this is in response to a question that SHE asked me in the previous post, and I totally went off point and began to ramble about Igbos and Yorubas having boots long before the Europeans showed up.

Anyway, I promised I would find a picture because I had come across a pair of Yoruba boots in an obscure African museum once and I found it!!!!

Yay!!!!!!!



Below are two very very rare sets of Igbo riding boots that according to the museum may have been made to wear with horses purchased from Hausa traders (bloody trypanosomiasis means some parts of Igbo land are a death trap for our four-legged friends).


Note the split toes. These things are crazy cute!!!!!!


Behold the ancestor of the jumpsuit that is currently flooding the catwalks of Fashion Week

And according to the IMA Museum, this Igbo Agbogho masquerade costume is worn with boots, which totally makes sense because I've seen the Agbogho Mmuo and the whole thing looks like a playsuit so I guess they wear the matching boots to create that effect.


Now tremble at the awesomeness of Nigerian Cultures!!!

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Cool Igbo Word of the Week


Dadalida


Ndebe Script:
Syllables: Da-Da-Li-Da

Tone: HIGH-HIGH-LOW-LOW

Type: Adverb

Meaning: Daily

Usage: N na je afia dadalida

Ndebe Script:


Translation: I go to the market daily (every day)

Source (where I discovered it): Pre-colonial missionary diary circa 1874 (Dude named Basden)

In case you're wondering: I made a font for the Ndebe Script to make it easier to type up the lessons for the blog. The blockish look of the font is deliberate. I designed it that way. Usually the script is cursive but I decided to make a very square looking font to demonstrate the versatility of the script. And just because... =]


Friday, October 2, 2009

Sigh...

Some days it's hard to be a Black girl....


We Have a Winner!!!

Congratulations ....

Now I need you to leave me a comment here with your email address (I'll delete it immediately) and we can discuss getting you your t-shirt. :D


Awww, I should do this more often. Giveaways make me feel all warm and bubbly inside.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

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