The Scariest Thing

Update:

Thank you so much to everyone who was concerned. I went to see the doctor and she checked my heart and said my pulse was normal but to be safe she scheduled an EKG on Thursday and then we'll go from there. She said that she suspects it might have been a really bad panic attack (apparently the worse ones can feel just like a heart attack) and that it's probably due to the fact that I have a long history of chronic anxiety.

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Happened to me yesterday.

I was just sitting on the couch when suddenly I felt like something was draining from the sides of my neck and then I felt my heart stop.

I am serious. For at least five very long seconds I frantically checked my wrists, my neck, and my chest, and I had no heart beat. I was breathing but more and more it felt like I couldn't get enough air in my lungs even though I'm sure I was inflating them to full capacity.

The strangest part of it was I couldn't panic. You know that rush of adrenaline that comes when you're extremely afraid that prepares you to run like you've never run before or fight for your life? It never came. In my mind I was in utter panic but my entire body felt horribly calm.

I started feeling dizzy like I was going to black out so I tried to stand up and it was really difficult. I almost fell down. I managed to stagger a few steps but everything was spinning, and my breathing didn't seem to be doing anything.

I honestly thought, "This is it, this is the end, I am going to die, but how strange, I never imagined it this way."
But all of a sudden, it just stupidly occurred to me to jump, which felt dumb because if you're on the verge of death or at least passing out whether or not you can jump is the least of your worries.

It seemed silly but I did jump, and the moment my feet hit the floor again, I felt my heart start and it began to beat really really fast as if it was trying to make up for all the beats it missed when it stopped. I took some huge deep breaths and it was the most awesome feeling, I could feel the air rushing back in.

I staggered back to the couch and sat down and only then did the adrenaline hit and I started to feel all the fear and panic that I was curiously unable to feel moments ago.

I'm writing this lying in bed with the lights on. I haven't slept a wink because I'm terrified it will happen again and I won't wake up. For the past three years I've been having stabbing pains in the left side of my chest but every doctor I've been to has said I can't have a heart problem because I'm only twenty two and that I should just lose weight and it'll go away.

This is an entirely new symptom and it was scary as hell. Once it's light I'm going to the hospital to get checked out. I just keep thinking why oh why does this have to happen now? It didn't happen when I was in America so why here? What terrifies me the most is that if there's a time bound emergency I can't even dial 911 and have an ambulance come get me. The whole situation is just distressing.

Christmas Prezzies... Ha Ha Ha

This is obviously well past Christmas, but I thought I'd do a post anyway.

So, for the longest time, I have resisted the inexorable lure of Apple products. With the sole exception of my iPod, I didn't own a single other Apple product and the idea of buying a Macbook Pro made me feel ill. (I still think Macs are disgusting but let's just say I'm a little more open to trying one than I was in the past.)

My aversion to Apple products ended this Christmas when I got an iPad.

To be honest, I wanted to get a Samsung Galaxy Tab 10.1 because I love Google products and wanted to try Android, but after considering the main activity I'd be using my tablet for (drawing and painting), I decided to go with the iPad 2 because it's got so many excellent apps for drawing and painting compared to Android.

If I get rich someday (heh heh) I'll get the Galaxy Tab as well, but for now, I'm very happy with my iPad. I've been able to do some pretty nice drawings so far although learning to draw on the iPad is pretty unwieldy.

I'm liking it.

But even more than the iPad, I'm even more excited about my Bamboo Stylus which I just got last week.

It's made by Wacom (the same dudes that produce my Intuos4 drawing tablet and the legendary Cintiq ^_^ )

I bought it specifically to draw so I'm very very excited.

Isn't it lovely?

The thing is a work of art.

Oh look!!

I managed to draw an Emeka already! ^_^  Heh heh!

Heh heh, if anyone has an iPad let me know so I can add you on iMessages! ^_^

Nigeria is In Danger!!! Run! Run! Run!

And it's not from Boko Haram....

This agbaya:

Meet Jenny Hyun

At the beginning of this week, this Korean American woman named Jenny Hyun, in all her wisdom gained in 27 years decided to open her big fat mouth and say on Twitter that ALL BLACK PEOPLE should be KILLED. 

As far as I am concerned, that is a DIRECT threat on Nigeria and on me as an Igbo Nigerian. I'm of the opinion that if you are ready to threaten the lives of people then you should jejely keep quiet when those people you are trying to kill come to break down your door, drag you out of your house and beat the living daylight out of you. 

After saying this and lots more, she had the audacity to say that there are some people outside her house and she's scared and VIOLENCE IS NOT THE ANSWER.

Oh, so if somebody had decided to listen to you and come to Nigeria and commit violence against us because there are Black people everywhere you would have been cool with it but now that they want to give you a taste of your own medicine you're scared abi?

In case you missed it:

She said she wanted a world with no Black people.

She also made some more comments on her blog.

Now her Public Relations Expert family and friends are saying that she's schizophrenic and it's not her fault because of her mental problems.

BOOOOOOOLSHEEEET!!!!

They didn't know she had mental problems when she was posting racist stuff about Africans two years ago abi???

They didn't know she had mental problems all this while because they obviously thought there was nothing wrong with the racist rubbish she was saying. It's only now that people are banging on her door and sending her death threats that they suddenly realised she has mental problems and decided to check her into hospital.

As far as I am concerned, Jenny Hyun threatened me, my family, my friends, my fellow Nigerians, and my country.

So, whatever they do to you Jenny, take it like that. Because if you had your way you would do it to me and people like me.

Ntoi.

Nonsense and Ingredient.

Oh yeah, sweetheart, here you go!!

Drawing Ideas

Heres A Little Love

Roses are red.....

Violets are blue....

All of you who got Val's Day presents...

F*ck you!


Yes, I had the most unromantic Valentine's Day ever.

NYSC: Now Your Suffering Commences

I'm just about ready to give up. Why can't anything in this country be easy for once?

I went to the NYSC office this morning to register for that godforsaken program only to be told that they couldn't accept my transcripts unless they were stamped and signed by my school.

At first I wanted to scream "What the fuck does it matter?" It's not like they're employing me or anything but then I guess some people forge their transcripts or whatever (by the way who does that? I mean really WHO does that????)

The deadline for 'Foreign Trained' graduates (ugh, why do they call it that?) is in two days and it seems very doubtful that in that time I will be able to convince my school that NYSC really doesn't have an email address that they can just send it to and so they should do the eco-unfriendly thing by mailing my transcripts to me half way around the world.

I am sure that when I do finally get them and return to the dark and smelly dungeon also known as the NYSC office, they will proceed to ask me why the school on my transcript /degree is different from the one on my student visa, and after I explain to them that I transferred in my first year because I wasn't a fan of the area's propensity for life-threatening natural disasters and being told to go back to Africa by my illiterate Floridian classmates, they will ask me to submit a hurricane trajectory report from the national hurricane centre and a letter from Barack Obama saying this is so.

I suppose I should welcome myself back home. This is after all, Nigeria, the only country that uses technology to make people's lives more difficult.

Ewo!!!!!!

Whitney Houston a nwugo!

=(

Rest in Peace.

Choose Joy

For a long time, I've been so angry. About a lot of things, about situations and people that let me down and that I had no control of. But this undying anger is eating me alive from the inside out and I don't know what to do. I read somewhere that happiness is a choice, so I think I want to try something new. I'm choosing joy.